


Sastiel Through the Seasons

by Not__Misha__Collins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Hurt Sam Winchester, M/M, Sam Has Self-Esteem Issues, Shy Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-02
Updated: 2015-07-02
Packaged: 2018-04-07 08:10:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4255929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not__Misha__Collins/pseuds/Not__Misha__Collins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel had been observing Sam for years, even before the angels came to Earth. Seeing the boy was one thing, meeting him was another.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Season 1

Castiel was an angelic observer of humanity. The humans, he decided, were an interesting bunch. So different, yet, still the same in so many ways. Sometimes, however, every few hundred years or so, arrives a human that strikes an interest with Castiel. Sam Winchester, a college student, also a hunter of evil, was one of these rare humans.

Being an angel, Castiel could see a human’s soul. Sam had a good soul, for a human. Polite, easy to get along with, and a huge heart, Sam was a teddy bear. Of course, his big heart got him in a lot of trouble, making him feel guilty for killing even evil monsters and being unable to save everyone.

Of course, Castiel didn’t see everything the man did, only checked in on Sam in his free time.


	2. Season 2

Sam believes in angels. Shout it from the rooftops, Castiel thought, Sam Winchester believes in angels!

The angel noticed Gabriel, the archangel, though the arch was disguised as a trickster, and he wondered what the arch had planned.

Seeing the demon with the yellow eyes, how he’d kidnapped and trapped Sam, infuriated Castiel, though he didn’t know why. It was like jumping right into the middle of a movie, or a book, not that Castiel knew anything about movies or books.   
He was heartbroken when Sam was killed, stabbed right in the back. Then, his brother Dean, loyal and desperate as he was, traded his life. One year, then the older brother went into hell. The angel admired the older brother’s loyalty.


	3. Season 3

Dean had one year to live before he was dragged off to Hell. Of course, Castiel knew about Lillith, with how the angels talked. He figured Dean was a part of it somehow.

Then Ruby came into the picture. She seemed to want to help the two, but Castiel knew better. He WAS an angel, after all.

Castiel looked away as Dean was ripped to shreds by the Hellhounds. He remembered, with pain, how he’d seen his brothers and sisters, the other angels, howl in pain from their injuries until someone, usually another angel, put them out of their misery.


	4. Season 4

Observing him was one thing; meeting him was another.

Castiel knew that feeling when he first met Sam Winchester. The thing, the emotion he’d heard humans speak about for millennia: Love. Love at first sight, as a matter of fact. Dean loathed the angel who saved him from perdition at first. Sam was glad to meet the angel, honored, in fact. Untill Castiel called him “the boy with the demon blood,” and Sam was washed over with guilt.

The angel knew he wasn’t allowed to be with humans, wasn’t allowed to love anyone like he loved Sam. He knew it, and so did the angels who punished when he was sent back to heaven and put in jail.  
“He doesn’t love you,” An angel said, drilling in to Castiel’s head, “He’s a human, are you insane?”  
“Gahh!” Cas yelled.  
“Sam Winchester is evil,” Another screw was drilled into Cas’s head, “You are not to help him.”  
“He is not evil,” Castiel argued.  
The angel slapped Castiel.   
“You have become too close to the Winchesters.”  
“I was only following orders,” Castiel defended.  
The angel slapped him again.  
“We have read your thoughts, Castiel. The angels know that you feel for Sam.”  
“You don’t know anything,” Cas spat.  
The angel drilled another screw into Castiel’s head.  
“You will do as you are told, understood?”  
“Yes,” Tears streamed down Castiel’s face.

Sam wished Dean would help him, wished his brother didn’t hate him.   
“You’re a monster, a vampire,” The voicemail had said.  
And Lillith. Sam wished he’d known Ruby was lying, the angels were in on it, and he released Lucifer. The end of the world was all his fault. At least Dean showed up, though it terrified Sam at first, as he thought Dean was going to kill him. Ruby, someone he even began to love, was dead.


	5. Season 5

Sam stared at the floor as he listened to the voicemail once again.  
“Listen to me, you bloodsucking freak. Dad always said I’d either have to save you or kill you. Well, I’m giving you fair warning. I’m done trying to save you. You’re a monster, Sam, a vampire. And there’s no going back.”  
He pressed the button to play it again, and wondered why he was torturing himself like that. As he was about to repeat it, he heard the fluttering of wings, and looked on the bed beside him.  
“Cas?”  
“Hello, Sam,” The angel said, “How are you?”  
Sam shook his head.  
“Dean will be here in a few minutes,” He seemed to shudder at the mention of Dean, “What did you want?”  
Castiel thought for a moment. What DID he want? To ask Sam out? To tell Sam he was in love? Does Sam even feel the same way?  
“It’s not that important,” He concluded, “Why are you upset?”  
Sam played the voicemail again, unable to look at the angel. Cas was confused.  
“Why would Dean say something like that?” He wondered.  
“Maybe he was upset,” Sam defended.

Sam winced when the older brother entered the hotel door with a bag of groceries, “Hey, Sammy! Cas, what are you doing here?”  
Castiel just glared at him.  
“What?”  
“Sam, please hand me your phone,” Castiel didn’t take his eyes off Dean.  
The younger brother reluctantly handed Cas his phone, then typed in the voicemail password when the angel got confused. Dean grew horrified as that horrible message was played in his voice.  
“Sam, I…”   
“It’s okay,” Sam lied.  
“No,” Dean said, “I never said that. I would never say that, I’d never kill you.”  
Castiel squinted, thinking.   
“Perhaps,” The angel began, “Zachariah manipulated the recording.”  
“Or Ruby,” Sam said.  
“You really thought I’d…” Dean started, “Sam, no.”  
Sam deleted the messege from his voicemail.  
“What did you really say?”  
“I told you that was sorry. That Bobby spoke some sense into me, as usual.”  
Sam laughed and hugged his brother, who turned to the angel.  
“So, why are you here, then?”  
“I wanted to speak to Sam,” Castiel answered, “Um…alone.”  
“What are you going to say that you can’t say in front of me?” Dean challenged.  
The angel nodded, “All right,” He moved toward the younger brother, “Sam, I have had these feelings…for you.”  
Sam looked at Castiel in fear, Dean looked at the angel with a sudden rage.  
“What kind of feelings?” Sam asked.  
“You humans call it love,” Castiel said.  
“No,” Dean interrupted, “Get the hell out, now!”  
Castiel shrunk away from the older brother, while Sam gave Dean a hurt glance.  
“Dean, just hear him out!” Sam said.  
“No,” Dean approached the angel, “You leave Sam out of this! He will not be manipulated again.”  
“Dean, I am not…”  
The older brother grabbed the angel by his trenchcoat and nearly pulled him up off the floor.  
“Get out,” He said, “Or I will beat the ever-loving shit out of you, until you’ll wish you were dead.”  
Castiel nodded in understanding, Dean set him down, and he disappeared.  
“Dean!” Sam yelled.  
“Forget it,” Dean said, “I don’t know why Cas is doing this or what he wants…”  
“He wanted to talk to me!”  
“Forget it, Sam!”  
Sam growled in frustration.

That night, Sam was up late, as usual, when Castiel fluttered in quietly.  
“Cas?” Sam whispered.  
“Is Dean asleep?” Castiel whispered.  
“Yeah. What did you want to tell me earlier?”  
“I was saying that I love you, Sam,” The angel stated, “Understandably, your brother thinks I am trying to manipulate you. I do not wish to hurt or trick you, Sam. I only wanted to know how you felt.”  
“How…how I felt?”   
Sam had never thought about how he felt for Castiel. Of course, he was glad to meet an angel. The angels, however, turned out to be manipulative, similar to the demons. Then again, Castiel defied angel’s orders to help the Winchesters. Sure, Castiel’s vessel, Jimmy, was attractive, though Sam had to admit he felt a certain admiration for that specific angel.   
He reached out his hand out to Castiel, grabbing the angel’s and interlocking their fingers together. Sam hadn’t felt this happy holding someone’s hand since…well, since Jess.  
They slept together, literally. Sam’s arms were wrapped around the angel under the blankets, Castiel’s trench coat folded neatly at the foot of the bed. He left before Dean woke up.

“You’re not taking Sam Winchester,” Castiel threatened, nearly stepping out of the circle of holy fire.  
“What’s wrong, Cas?” Lucifer taunted, “Afraid your boyfriend is gonna get hurt? It’s okay, I won’t ride him too hard.”

“I’ll kill him,” Lucifer taunted Sam when he became the vessel, “No, I’ll torture him, slowly.”  
“Leave Cas alone!” Sam demanded.  
“And Dean…I’ll fry him. Your brother’s blood and guts will be all over you when I’m through with him.”  
“Leave my brother alone!”

Castiel exploded, Luci killed him. He tried to help, and this is what he gets. Sam whimpered from the inside, fighting to take control.  
Sam killed Bobby, then nearly killed his brother. Technically, it was Luci, but that didn’t ease the guilt. Sam jumped into the pit, it was the only way, and Adam tagged along.

Next thing Sam knew, he was in Hell, the damned cage. Luci turned on Sam almost immediately, and begun burning and roasting the man’s skin. He screamed, only able to smell his own burning flesh. Dean was right; they peel and rip until there’s nothing left, then it begins all over again.   
Micheal tried to stop it, to protect Adam and Sam, “Brother, stop. This matter is between you and me. Leave the humans out of this.”  
“But the humans are the best part,” Luci taunted.  
Lucifer would knock Micheal out, allowing him to torture both Sam and Adam in new and “fun” ways.  
His favorite person to torture was Sam, and his favorite way to torture him was disguise. The way Sam would scream and beg “Dean” or “Castiel” to stop.   
At some point, Sam’s body was separated from his soul, and tossed outside the cage like garbage. The newly soulless body was confused, and left with nowhere to go.  
Enter Castiel, who decided he couldn’t live without Sam. There were no commands from the other angels on what to do with Sam or Dean or their souls, due to the war breaking out in heaven. He decided, by himself, to trudge through Hell, find the cage and drag Sam out.  
It took a while to find the cage, at least, a while in Hell time. When Castiel reached it, Michael handed Sam’s body to the angel, forgetting about the soul.  
“Hurry,” Michael said, “I beg you, before Lucifer sees.”  
Castiel nodded and took the body, while Sam’s soul tried to scream for him.  
“Shh,” Lucifer put his hand over the soul’s mouth, “You’re mine. Forever.”  
He petted Sam’s hair.


	6. Season 6

Sam’s soulless body emerged in the field, next to Castiel.   
“Where am I?” Sam asked, though he was speaking Enochian.  
Castiel worried that Sam had been down there so long that he’d forgotten English.  
“This is the field where you jumped into Hell,” Castiel spoke Enochian as well, “Do you remember anything?”  
“No.”   
“Can you speak any English, Sam?”  
“I…no,” Sam said, “What happened?”  
“I dragged you out of Hell.”  
“Why?”  
“I wanted to…I had to, because I love you, Sam.”

Castiel helped Sam relearn English. He was grateful for that. So grateful, in fact, that he did what soulless Sam does best: slept with the angel. Of course, Castiel erased any memory of the sex, though never forgot it himself.

It was only after feeling for Sam’s soul that Castiel realized why Sam had acted so strange. Guilt washed over the angel and he cried. He’d left Sam’s soul in Hell, to be tortured by Luci.   
The angel was desperate: dealing with a demon, breaking down the wall that blocked out Sam’s memories of Hell. All because he didn’t want to interrupt Dean’s “apple pie” life, wanted his friend to be happy.  
All that time, Sam never gave up on Castiel, like Dean did.


	7. Season 7

Castiel would never forgive himself for what he’d done. How could he have hurt Sam like that? How could he have betrayed some of his only human friends?  
When he came back, he at least remembered what he’d done. Seeing Sam in that state pained him, just knowing that all of it was the angel’s fault. Sam was nothing but loyal and good, and he didn’t deserve this.   
“I never should have broken your wall,” Castiel said.  
He took on Sam’s insanity. Sam begged to stay with Castiel, to check up on him, but Dean insisted that the angel was only a danger to himself and the Winchesters, and Meg would take care of him.   
Sam didn’t forget. He stayed up late at night, worrying about the angel, if he was okay, or even alive.   
“He’s fine, Sammy,” Dean said, “Now go to sleep.”  
“Do you really know that or are you just making shit up?”   
“Go to sleep, Sam.”

Castiel woke up, but he wasn’t Castiel. He was…broken, childish and innocent.  
“Sam,” Castiel spoke cheerfully, “I have brought you a sandwhich.”  
The younger brother gave him a strange look, then smiled.  
“Thanks Cas,” He said.  
The “broken” Castiel appreciated how much more patient and kind Sam was to him, rather than Dean.  
“What are you working on, Sam?” Castiel noticed the laptop.  
“Oh, hunter stuff,” Sam answered casually.  
“Fascinating,” Castiel moved closer to Sam.  
The angel put his arm around the hunter.   
“What are you doing?” Sam asked.  
“I like you, Sam,” Castiel answered, “You’re friendly.”  
“Uh…thanks,” He laughed.

The broken angel lied in bed with Sam at night and whispered about bees and Italy and flying and whatever else he did that day. The hunter listened to every word.  
Dean and Castiel killed Dick Roman, which sent the two to Purgatory. Sam quit, gave up hunting and tried to settle down with a girl named Amelia.


	8. Season 8

Dean escaped Purgatory, followed by Castiel sometime later. The angel had wanted to stay in there to atone for the things he’d done, especially to Sam.  
His friendship with Dean had strengthened in Purgatory, which made it harder when Naomi ordered Castiel to kill Dean. He couldn’t do it, couldn’t kill his friend. 

Sam was busy with the trials. They were slowly killing him, but Sam didn’t care. He only wanted to shut the gates of Hell.

Castiel hated that Sam was suffering. All he could do was lie in the bed next to the pale, sick Sam, and comfort him.  
“You’ll be okay, Sam,” The angel said softly.

Metatron tricked Castiel into completing some separate trials, then tied Castiel up and stole his grace, releasing the angels.


	9. Season 9

Sam wondered why he was alive, and why the gates hadn’t been shut. He murdered Kevin, plain and simple. Granted, he was possessed by an angel named Gadreel, but still. He couldn’t decide who he was more angry at: Dean for letting him get possessed, or himself for not completing the trials.

Castiel understood. After all, he was human.  
“Being human didn’t just change my view of food,” He said, “It changed my view of you.”  
Sam hopped off the table. The angel later informed him that there wasn’t enough grace for the spell. As if Sam didn’t already feel like a failure.  
“Don’t worry, Sam,” Castiel assured him, “We’ll find Gadreel another way.”

Sam nodded and sat down. Castiel barely looked at him.  
“What is it, Cas?”  
“Have you forgiven me, Sam?”  
“For what?” The hunter was confused.  
“What I have done to you. The harm I have caused due to breaking your wall.”  
Sam laughed, “Cas, I forgot about that.”  
Castiel squinted.  
“You’ve forgotten Hell?”  
“Well, no. Not all of it. But…you took my insanity away.”  
“I have avoided you somewhat, out of fear that you couldn’t love me anymore.”  
“Couldn’t lo…How could I NOT love you, Cas? I know that you’ve hurt me, but I’ve forgiven you. I forgive you, even Dean for letting me get possessed. I just…can’t forgive myself.”  
“Why not?”  
“I’ve done so many…horrible things…”  
“How many of those THINGS have been out of evil, Sam? Tell me.”  
“Well…”  
“That’s right,” Castiel said, “You are a good person, Sam. You can’t save everyone, but you want to, and it hurts when you don’t.”  
Sam hugged Castiel.


	10. Season 10

Dean disappeared with the Mark of Cain. Sam tried his best to find him, though Demon Dean didn’t want to be found. Castiel was with Hanna, another angel. 

Castiel was the one to cure Dean of his demon-ness, while running on stolen grace. He got his original grace back, however, though not at full power. 

Castiel helped to find Claire a new home. Sam found a book that could help cure Dean, but had to deal with Rowena. Inadvertantly, Charlie was killed. 

“I think it should have been you up there,” Dean said before going on his Stien killing rampage.

That stuck with Sam. Regardless, he and Castiel tried to find Dean, spending time together in the process.

The brothers were left with a cloud of darkness beginning to cover them, and Castiel was about to kill Crowley.


End file.
